i have no fancy words prepared for you

nor do i have the purest heart above them

all to confess my imperfect love for you.

but thank you Father.

for everything.

there are certain feelings i often get, that makes me wonder why i feel this way. maybe it's just an emotional blur of a certain memory or my brain's desparate attempt at moving on with life. either way, these feelings can't be described in words, motion or colors. but there are times when i am all of a sudden hit by an emotional trainwreck of some sort and i am always almost certain it's called "home-sickness." for a brief moment, i let out a sigh of relief at the thought of solving this nonsense mystery. then right when i least expected it, another trainwreck crashed into my heart.

i don't have a home.

there's something about a 2am break from the world.

the complete silence as if the world had stopped before my very own eyes; the one rare chance to hear myself breathe and realize that I am still, in fact, alive; complete feel of freedom, as if i could do anything i desire at this moment; a rush of imaginative wind that blows so freely against my heartbeat, I could almost feel it; like a breath of fresh air from this crazy world, the rhythmic sound of my fingers typing across the keyboard takes me beyond my deepest thoughts.

you were wrong.

i am free

no matter how hard you try to hide your feelings, to let out an unusually loud laugh to cover your brokenness, or maybe to listen to your favorite songs over and over again, sometimes it really doesn't change anything. even the single most influential element in your life; like music, for instance. sad songs sound even more sad than a cloudy, rainy day & happy songs somehow sound even more sad than that sad song that's been on repeat on your ipod for the past 6 hours.

let's face it. somedays, i just can't seem to win.

so sweet, sweet victory for you tonight. let's celebrate with your favorite combination of indifference and apologies.

cheers.

here's my her real issue:

she dreams that she's a butterfly, flying around the endless sky;
and when she woke up from the sweet, sweet dream, she wasn't
so sure if she had woken up, or if she was dreaming; was it her,
who dreamed of being a butterfly, or was this the butterfly,
dreaming as her.